


The Palpatine Went to Jakku

by JaneNightwork



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, F/M, It's the Devil Went Down to Georgia, No Spoilers, Song Parody, but make it reylo, do not copy to another site, this is how i'm coping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:21:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21895819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneNightwork/pseuds/JaneNightwork
Summary: This is an incredibly silly song-parody/crackfic that I wrote without nearly enough sleep, but since it still amuses me I thought I'd share it. The (awesome) original song, The Devil Went Down to Georgia, features Satan challenging a man named Johnny to a fiddle contest: here it's Palpatine challenging Ben & Rey to a lightsaber contest. They win, call him a son of a bitch, and live happily ever after.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	The Palpatine Went to Jakku

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't heard [the original song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sh7BZf7D5Bw), it's an absolute classic! Johnny is very much like our Ben & Rey: talented dumbass, but very very loveable. If you don't know the song you should probably listen to it before reading this, as otherwise it probably won't make sense.

The Palpatine went to Jakku

he was looking for some souls to steal.

He was in a fix cause he'd been at the bottom of a pit,

So he was willing to make a deal.

He came across a couple strong in the Force

with faces real, real hot.

Then Palpy jumped up on a Death Star stump

and said, "Kids, let me tell you what:

I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a Force God, too.

And if you care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you.

Now you're pretty good with the Force you chits,

But give the Palpy his due! I bet a lightsaber of gold

against your souls, cause I think I'm stronger than you."

The couple said, "Our names are Ben & Rey

and it might be a sin, but we'll take your bet

and you're gonna regret, 

cause we're the best there's ever been!"

Ben & Rey rosin up your swords

and use the Force real hard,

cause Palpy's loose in Jakku and the Dark Side's dues are hard.

And if you win you get the shiny saber made of god,

but if you lose the Palpy gets your souls!

Palpatine cast aside his cloak and said, "I'll start this show!"

And lightning flew from his fingertips as he faced his two young foes.

He drew upon the Dark Side and it made an evil hiss.

Then a band of Sith Troopers joined in and it looked something like this.

*Impressive Show of Dark Sider Abilities*

When he'd finished, Ben & Rey said,

"Well you're pretty good old son!

But sit square in that throne right there

and let us show you how it's done!"

*They Kick Everyone's Ass While Singing the Following in Harmony:*

"Dyad with a Force bond, run Sith run,

Palpy's in the house of the binary suns,

Rathtar in the backyard pickin' out dough,

Maz-y will Rey find her mom no child no!"

Palpatine bowed his head because knew that he'd been beat

and he laid that golden saber on the ground at Ben & Rey's feet. 

Ben & Rey said, "Palps just come on back if you ever wanna try again;

We done told you once you son of a bitch, we're the best there's ever been!"

*Then They Make Out, Melt the Golden Lightsaber, and Use the Gold to Buy Water for Orphans*


End file.
